Today is day seventy-five and it still hasn’t gotten easier. Sobriety is a painful process. Often, we fall back down that dark rabbit hole of addiction. So, we look for support. A system in place to help assure we adhere to our new path. People who grab your hand and help you walk out of darkness into light.
You can even speak to people anonymously. Groups and therapists with great programs and success stories are all available. Except when you have a horrifying addiction that would probably send you to jail.
I loved eating…human beings. Now let me clarify a few things because I am sure that statement immediately translates to killer. I have never harmed a single person in my life. I would never. It just so happened that world events during that time, along with the lack of pay I was receiving really nudged me along to this crazy and horrible idea.
Why not eat people who have recently died? Let me list my rationale.
1) Groceries are expensive.
The job I took at the hospital paid barely above minimum wage. The title was “Hospital Mortuary Specialist.” And boy was I busy in 2020. Actually, I bet it is still busy now. New York was crazy and I was in the center of it. So many damn bodies. The hours were grueling and the labor slightly demanding on the back.
Took the job because I was studying to become a doctor. I figured I should accustom myself to dead bodies. It was bound to happen if I became a doctor. Sometimes patients die. You must be able to deal with that. I thought “Why not take a job dealing with dead bodies while in med school?” Help me overcome a possible fear while familiarizing myself with how a hospital functioned.
Quickly, it became apparent that I had no fear around a dead body. Many dead bodies. Hundreds of dead bodies. Nothing. People grieved, I heaved…the bodies in the trucks that is. Truckloads, okay? I am talking about a bunch of dead bodies. Of course, many were sent to different funeral directors for said families. Some weren’t. We were so damn busy. The bodies kept piling up and before long I realized something. Some of these people had no families at all. I barely could afford rent. Food is expensive. Now the most expensive stuff is the protein. Here was so much protein being wasted!
2) It really does taste like a steak
A little pipe dream of mine was to always be a chef. Spice shelf is top notch. The essentials are garlic and onion powder, paprika, salt, pepper, thyme, and some basil. If I cooked you a prime cut of beef from a cow and a prime cut of meat from a John Doe, could you even tell the difference?
If I rendered the fat down, searing the sides perfectly while the center was a good medium rare, you would think I paid twenty-five dollars for it. Well, it was free ninety-nine!
A side of roasted Brussel sprouts. Maybe even some sweet potatoes. I was eating like a king every night.
What made me quit was the fear of getting caught. The absurdity of it all. Why did I even put myself in New York? So, crowded. Everyone is on top of each other. But I guess striving for that kind of status is what put me there in the first place. Prestige is to be a doctor and to do it while in New York. Well…not many can claim that.
Questions began to spring up. Questions about where certain bodies were being taken during the height of the pandemic. Fingers seemed to point in my direction. Paranoia pointed those fingers, really, so my departure from my job wasn’t met with any suspicion.
I am living in Arizona now. Sedona to be exact. The rehabilitation has been hard but rewarding. I merely copied a lot of the spiritual teachings from yoga and the new craze of veganism. I would be lying if I told you I never craved meat…that is the challenge. What makes it worse is there are no groups for me. I am smart enough to not go looking for them. Imagine creating a subreddit for cannibals in rehab. Swift ticket to jail.
Teaching yoga has brought me a new path in life. When I teach my students of letting go while in child’s pose, I let go of my cannibalism. No longer am I a sardine in the tin can of New York. I am now an ever-glowing light giving back to Mother Earth and all her wonderful glory.
Namaste.
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