How one’s heart yearns for a tale to awaken the romance inside themselves. The way in which people cling to the manifestation of love. To be swept up in its glorious chaos as a voyeur in the realm of seduction.
"AAAHHH SKeerrrt! Yo queens and kings this shit bout to be litty like dem titties!!!"
There he went, dropping another absolutely fire TikTok performance; a true artist and musician, gifted to the people during these hard times. Tattoos of squiggly lines and little triangles all over his face and neck connected in ways that left you questioning yourself – "Can I not see the coolness of these sick tats? Am I a square? Why don't I understand?" Neither did he when he got them. That's why he was so cool. A self-titled DJ from none other than Chicago.
Chicago's a great city, really known for its grit and grind. And the pride! My goodness, the pride of a Chicagoan stems from the Jordan years and one great Super Bowl run. You then mix neighborhood pride along with it. Northside, Westside, Southside: big communities with smaller communities that live within all three beautiful places. Some are prettier than others, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say. Northsiders think they're the toughest, but they have a baseball team named the Cubs. No one really thinks baby bears are tough, adorable no doubt but tough? Never. The Westside was once home to legendary shit talker Kevin Garnett. That guy is as tough as they come, but the area that strikes fear in the heart of the richest tourists is the Southside.
A lot of bark with a little more bite, these neighborhoods scream with stories of hardship, struggle, perseverance - and that is the beautiful city of Chicago. Corruption and police brutality everywhere, but this isn't about that. It's about the Duke of the Southside: the "illest" DJ, TikTok rapper, dancer, artist phenom!
Sick beats and clean kicks, all the while bringing back "fly as fuck" track suits. Suede? Persian fur? Adidas, easily, but that's for wannabe suckers, and the Duke...well he wasn't no sucker. A few thousand followers turned to hundreds of thousands turned to over one million in two nights. He had sick beats that sounded like garbage trucks slowly backing around an alley corner, then sped up to 130 BPM. He then mixed in filters, colors, and sparkles as he danced. One arm up then another, then they rocked side to side like he was fanning down a hot burrito bite.
Did someone say deep lyrics? Yes of course. You could catch those while entranced at the performance of a lifetime coming at you on your 5-inch screen.
"AH!"
"SKErrr" "Whaa?" "Skerr"
"Eyy" "HUghhttt" "LEGO!"
That hook right there pulled you back. People could not get enough of that video. They needed more and, like God answering prayers, did the Duke perform. Hit after hit, dance after dance. But why stop at DJ, TikTok rapper? His videos in which he talked about his hard struggles left you feeling so damn motivated.
Example: The Duke...well he ain't have it so easy.
"Man, it be mad disrespectful here. Like yo life g...I swear bro."
It sure is tough being white, but white on the Southside, according to the Duke, seemed to be the biggest struggle of all. Inglewood? No he wasn't from there. Gage Park? Nope. Marquette Park? Back of the Yards? Wrong on those. You gotta look further south...southwest to a town called Beverly.
Beverly, a white-collar town. It gets an A- in terms of safe neighborhoods which, in Chicago, is a great score. Now why does this matter? Because of Chicago pride. There's nothing wrong with being white collar and living in a nice neighborhood. In fact, that's the dream for many people. For some it comes from hard work, from others it comes from screwing over the right people. But in Chicago, you label yourself the Duke of the Southside while in reality you hail from Beverly...you are going to receive some backlash.
The Council of Cool Chicagoans formed long ago to protect its own pride. You may have seen many of these folks labeled as "haters" or "negative energy" while scrolling past all the sex bot comments on one of the Duke's videos. They simply combat the false narrative of the Duke of the Southside. No one hates self-titles like a Chicagoan- that's why no one likes LeBron James. The Council decided that he couldn't simply get a bunch of tattoos, mumbling incoherent nonsense while blasting dump truck sounds and claim to be a "gangsta." That went against the laws of Poserism.
This law states that one cannot and will not pose as something they clearly never have been, or could be, while simultaneously stealing the culture of another and slandering it with vile mockery of expression. However, the Duke could care less for rules - his mind was always on suede pants and cool dances. Apparently "gangsta" to him was the ability to record yourself in the basement of your father's large home. The Council spent time on research trying to expose these truths, but the sex bot comments were always first, with the fans quickly following with their applause.
Even comments like "You a white boy living in Beverly. You ain't gangsta" became forever downvoted and unliked, falling to a bottomless abyss. Then it was drowned out by the newest excitement: a courtship! Chicago royalty coming together as a new, young tale of romance brewed. Him, a Duke of the Southside and her, a Duchess of the Northside.
Her popularity sprang as quickly as his did. He a dancer and rapper and she, a model and poet. Millions followed her for photos that inspired them to be brave; brave enough to get lip injections, cosmetic surgeries, long fake acrylic nails and a thousand-dollar tan. Often her videos were of her, lying around tossing her hair while in a bikini. Featured on her Instagram stories were selfies which told a thousand words, as phrases like "love yourself" or "be yourself" were written in faded white cursive. But she, like the Duke, was far too talented to limit herself to model and poet. She even lip synced like a professional, all while doing dances.
The sparks started when she was challenged to lip sync "Wet Titties" by the Duke of the Southside. And the real romance began after he commented "YOOO" followed by eight heart emojis. She not only nailed the lip sync, but the dance was on point. Soon, thousands gossiped about the possibility of witnessing a royal wedding. The comments questioning why she talked like she was black when she was clearly white faded into the nether realm. The Council thwarted once more.
Every girl nearly fainted when the Duke dropped "Netflix and lick" as his official asking out of the Duchess of the Northside.
"Brrrrut"
"Brrrrrr"
"ey"
"flix and lick?"
"Cum real quick'
"AHHH brrrttt"
Romance seemed to pour out of his very soul and into his dancing as he licked his fingers while scrolling through Netflix. The acceptance of his proposal was noted when fans saw him in the background to her next Instagram story. True love was in the air, The Council of Cool defeated as the fans and sex bot comments rejoiced. The sex bots with their misspelled sentences and inuendo and the fans gushing. "YOU GUYS ARE SO ADORABLE" with dozens of heart emojis. The commoners were thrilled to have a royal romance. It was a distraction for them from this dark and difficult time of staying home and washing your hands. It was tradition that royalty be wed and collab together for the nation.
The next release featured the Duke and his Duchess. "Royal and Loyal."
"I die for my duchess"
Whaaa! YE!"
"brrrr"
"sweerrvve"
"CAUSE IM DA DUKE"
The beat went as hard as the twerking and thrusting in the video. A display loved by all and hated by Karens. But it was only a few days later until tragedy struck the royal family. The Duke had been unfaithful to her and she to him. The people were devasted to find out it was all a lie. The Council felt relief as more people started to not care about these two. Balance returned to Chicago until Puke Paul showed up. He has gotten over two million viewers. He just pukes in public while wearing a mask.
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